dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
