i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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