There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
