I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
