Can Purell be used as lube?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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