I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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