It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
