who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize