You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
