4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
