She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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