If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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