She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
