so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
