nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize