Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
