I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
