I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
