Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
