I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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