you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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