Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
