I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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