I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize