Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
