k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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