Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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