Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
