Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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