may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
