home. puking in laundry basket.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
