I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
