cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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