let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
