I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
