Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
