apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
