i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize