I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
