drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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