if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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