Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize