So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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