take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
God, I missed his penis.
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