Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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