everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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