So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize