Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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