you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
