i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
