The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
