this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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