We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
