Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
