He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
