if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
