Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
