I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
