Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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