this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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