It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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