will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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