I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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