Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
