I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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