Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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