so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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