Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
