yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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