so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
