Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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