I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
