her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
